Taking It Slow

The whole point of this blog is discovery. I still fully intend to complete a group of self portraits as a step in discovering myself as a photographer. I am still working on half baked ideas. I feel the roles of women are an important thing to include in this as a feminist and a sociologist (well of sorts that was my academic focus). Of course there is a very fine line between analyzing roles and turning it into stereotypes. I want to do that well. In addition I want to get the technical aspects right. I have been feeling overwhelmed with my goal. I have a tendency to think I can do anything but am easily overwhelmed when implementing it.

So that being said I would like to take this a little slower. Focus on one step at a time this is a very important goal and I want to accomplish it. So the first step is to master is the technical aspects. Okay master may be too strong of a word because that could take years. I will post pictures to mark my progress. This will probably happen on the weekends when I actually have time to plan and think about my shots. During the week I will focus on the literature aspect in my discovery. I haven't even gone there yet.

Honestly though the photography is a real focus because I have a deadline in mind. My best friend is getting married in Jan and she asked me to be the photographer. Yikes. I am scared but really excited. I appreciate the trust she has in me. I just hope I can accomplish what I envision. Obviously, getting the technical aspects is very important.

As I quoted in my last post, "It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own light" so we will see just how this light shines...

Some Words to Marinate Over

I tore myself from the safe comfort of certanties through my love for the truth, and truth rewarded me.
--Simone de Beauvoir

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is out Light, not our Darkness, that frightens us most.
--Marianne Williamson

We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.
--Mary Dunbar

Holding Back?

Photo courtesy of foto decadent

At the end of my last post I questioned whether I should censor myself for the blog. Well I am taking the plunge and letting it all hang out. There are a lot of things to consider when deciding how much you want to release out into the world. I have recently gotten into existentialism and really looked at that to decide. Essentially existentialism is an individualized philosophy so the defining of it can take many forms. I think overall it looks at the absurdity of life. Thus what is the point of taking myself too seriously and censoring myself.


For a little more in depth discussion. Existentialism discusses our desire to make rational decisions despite living in an irrational world. Life can be seen as without meaning or it might be without a meaning we can understand. Regardless existentialism sees our desire for logic as futile. Thus, we must define our own meanings. Overall the individual defines everything for themselves.


Simone de Beauvior most famous for publishing The Second Sex theorized an existentialism from a feminist perspective. Beauvoir purported that one is not born a woman, but becomes one. It is the social construction of Woman as the quintessential Other that Beauvoir identifies as fundamental to women's oppression.


Beauvoir asserted that women are as capable of choice as men, and thus can choose to elevate themselves to a position in which one takes responsibility for oneself and the world, where one chooses one's freedom. Thus I am chosing the freedom to be totally authentic. This is all a little heavy for a Monday morning but I am interested to see where this freedom takes me...

Finding My Voice

(photo courtesey of http://www.cigharvey.com/pages/portfolio6.html)

What I really liked about my last picture I posted is its haziness. I did that as a way to illustrate my undefined ideas. The whole reason for starting the blog was to find definition and meaning to my art. Yet I feel I have no voice yet. Well not my unique voice yet. Cig Harvey (see added pics) also exemplifies this undefined, searching quality to her photography that inspires me.

(photo courtesey of http://www.cigharvey.com/pages/portfolio6.html)

My first post was definitely informed by my academic nature and my last one was well silly. I guess I am looking at all the parts of myself and deciding which ones I want to show and which ones I want to ignore. I think realistically I need to exhibit them all to find my one uniform (if there is such a thing) voice. My voice or maybe the voice of jeni jinx, the vixen. Who is, of course, a persona that may or may not be closer to me than I am now. Haziness is definitely what I am feeling right now.

(photo courtesy of http://www.cigharvey.com/pages/portfolio6.html)

Okay so the point of this blog is to find myself, my voice, and my way as an artist. I would like to start a project reflecting that. What better way than self portraits, which as you can already see is where I have been turning my camera anyway. Is it a vanity thing? Maybe but artists have always turned the camera, paintbrush, and many other mediums on themselves i.e. Vincent Van Gogh whose self portrait I saw recently. I want these self portraits to demonstrate the many personas, sides or what have you of me.

(album cover courtesy of www.myspace.com/toriamos)

Toris Amos did something similiar with a couple of her album covers, Strange Little Girls and American Doll Posse. Well honestly she has done this in most of her covers. Personifying and her songs characters who she talks of as if they are identities all their own. This is one facet of her artistry. As you will probably see I will talk of Tori a lot. I will focus some future posts on her only. For right now though the point is she specifically tried on other identities in those two covers.

(album cover courtesy of www.myspace.com/toriamos)

I intend on doing my version with the meager props and such I have. It may take awhile to decide what I want to show. Is it the one dimensional friend, mother, bitch, slut etc types women can be or should it be more well rounded personas. I will need some time to think and plan that. I also think these posts will be a good discussion point for feminism which will happen a lot in future posts. Hey I have a captive (or just imagined) audience I will pour down my feminist ideas. This is another aspect of finding the voice. Do I just let it all go or remember there is or will be an audience I need to consider?

The Story of a Girl and Her Love

There once was a curly haired girl dreaming for a way to express herself. An innocent enough dream she thought. That is until she met the rebel and her little dream became an obsession. It was beautiful and felt just right. She couldn't get enough of the clicking and seeing the results. Everywhere she went all this curly haired girl could see was framing for her rebel. All she could think was how her rebel would reflect what was around her.

And then the doubts started being the new obsession. Was she good enough for the rebel? The doubts were followed by the silencing of the clicking thus the end of her expression. What is a girl to do? Become the rebel and move beyond the fear, right? Otherwise the girl's self may shrivel and die right along with the simple dream of just expressing herself.

So here the girl is taking a deep breath and letting go...

Hope you enjoy what the results are. I would love to hear your reactions.